Whether you are in a long-standing relationship or are newly committed, being uncertain about a relationship can be difficult.
Discernment is the ability to obtain sharp perceptions or to judge well
Who is discernment counselling for?
Discernment counselling can be helpful if one or both partners are uncertain or ambivalent about the relationship. You may have noticed yourself thinking:
- I have been treated so badly
- We are just too different
- I no longer feel like myself
- I am just not ‘in love’ with them
- We met so young and are different now
- I don’t even like them
- I just want someone who understands me
- I have been betrayed
- I want a soul mate
- I have stayed for the children
- I want a fresh start with someone new
- I don’t know if I can trust them again
Discernment counselling has a structured framework. Couples are guided, individually and together, to explore 3 paths:
- Stay in the relationship as it has been
- Move towards ending the relationship
- End discussions about separation/divorce and any other competing temptations, commit to a 6-month reconciliation period focused on Stage 1 of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, then make a decision about the longer-term future of the relationship.
Discernment counselling can help you:
- Develop greater clarity and confidence in decision making about commitment to the relationship and opportunity for healing and repair.
- Develop a more complex understanding of yourself, your partner and the dynamics or dance of your relationship. If you choose to move on you can still take this with you.
- Step back and see the whole picture, you’ll then have more information to explore the possibility of learning new dance steps together or finding a new partner.